January 19, 2012. By Lindsay Cross contributed to thegrindstone.com
Oh the “Work Husband.” It’s a dubious title that I’ve never been quite comfortable with. After all, I’ve worked very closely with men at my office. My office neighbor, partner-in-crime, venting buddy and right-hand-man happens to be… a man. We talk about our families, our jobs, our customers. We make sure the other one remembered to take a lunch. I consider this co-worker and I to be very close, but I just don’t know about this whole “Work Husband” label. After all, I have a real husband at home. I’m not sure how he would feel about my bestowing that honorable title on someone else. But no matter what you call it, there is one aspect of marriage that seems to hold true for both real life and the office, breaking up is hard to do. In fact, I would argue that divorcing your work husband can be just as emotional, uncomfortable and possibly expensive as ending an honest-to-goodness marital union.
I will make a huge exception for those who have children when they split because that’s obviously a whole different situation. That being said, please consider the parallels between a real break-up and a work split.
- Most of the office is forced to pick sides, making everyone around you miserable.
- You start to question every project you’ve ever worked on together, because suddenly you don’t trust their judgment on anything.
- Normally there’s some hurt feelings and it makes running in to each other in the hallway completely tense and stressful.
- If one of you cheated, get prepared for war.
Even in the office world, people get possessive. When you start to lean on a co-worker to help solve your problems or support you when things are going wrong, it’s only natural for those jealous feelings to creep up. After all, this person is your rock. You’d hate to find out that they haven’t been returning your emails because they’ve been busy supporting a new office paramour. Vice verse, if a man goes to someone else for advice, their Work Wife might start to wonder why their input is no longer good enough. It’s a blow to ego. Office relationships are always complicated, because they bring together personalities and business. But if you’re looking to end a partnership, it might help to approach it in the same way as a real divorce.
- Be honest. You need to explain what’s happened and how you’re feeling. Just like it’s difficult to walk around your house and ignore your spouse, that water-cooler is going to get pretty awkward if you never come forward with your point of view and problem. The best way to move on after a split is make sure that you’ve said your piece when it ends.
- Don’t be afraid to talk business. Do you have any joint projects? Were they helping you with a proposal? Do they know your work secrets? You need to talk about these things and how they will work going forward. Considering it a process of dividing your assets. Everyone should get an equal share of the responsibilities, but you need to have a conversation about who is taking what.
- Take a little time to grieve. You don’t have to pretend like everything is fine and dandy the day after your split. If you’ve gotten in to a major fight with someone who you had a close relationship with, you have every right to take a little time apart before moving on.
- Keep it private. None of your Facebook friends want to get involved in your break-up and none of your co-workers want to listen to your personal work spouse drama. It’s a relationship between two people and it can stay that way, even when it ends.
