Mentors are good listeners, people who care and people who want to help others develop the strengths that are already there. A mentor is not a therapist, parole officer or cool peer.

Based on these guidelines your mentee should reasonably expect that you be in regular contact, provide career planning advice, keep conversations between the two of you and be caring while giving honest feedback.

Take the initiative in the relationship.
Invite your mentee to talk, suggest topics to discuss, and ask if you can offer advice. Ask about and encourage accomplishments and ask if you can make suggestions or offer constructive criticism. Your perspective on all aspects of a professional career is valuable.

Be Prepared.
Lay-out a guideline and suggest goals, expectations and guidelines. Recommend how long you expect the active mentoring relationship to continue so it can be productive to both. You may exchange materials, articles and attend events or receptions together introducing the mentee to other professional women.

Have an agenda.
Frequency of contact is important in the relationship to keep the learning process moving forward. The mentor should be involved in the big picture, not just the details. Focus on current issues or challenges, as well as short and long-term goals. Although face-to-face meetings are recommended, emails and telephone conversations may supplement and enhance the process.

Respect the time you spend with your mentee.
Be explicit about your own limits, specifying times that are particularly good for communication. It might be helpful to discuss setting aside a particular time every few weeks to meet. If you feel that more time is needed, feel free to suggest it. Consider discussing how you have been able to balance work with personal life demands. Younger professional women often appreciate hearing your thoughts and experiences as career demands overlap into personal responsibilities. There may have been times when you struggled in making decisions that may help your mentee in similar situations.

When feedback is offered, it should be followed by constructive advice for improvement.
If possible, specific examples should be offered. Try to avoid offering advice in a way that would intimidate your mentee from best availing herself of your expertise. It may be helpful to allow her to think about your comments for a period of time and then come back together to discuss.

Be candid.
If, after a period of time, you don’t believe that either you or your mentee is able to participate in an effective mentoring relationship, then don’t be averse to discussing this with her. If the relationship ends, end it on professional terms. It is no reflection on either of you if a particular pair isn’t suitable.

Treat conversations with confidentiality.
Make only positive or neutral comments about your mentee to others. She must trust that anything said to you will be held in the strictest of confidence unless instructed otherwise.

Be prepared.
Go to every meeting prepared. Take time to review your notes and set action items. Before your next meeting, review their status and your progress.

Have an agenda.
Frequency of contact is important in the relationship to keep the learning process moving forward. The mentor should be involved in the big picture, not just the details. Focus on current issues or challenges, as well as short and long-term goals. Although face-to-face meetings are recommended, emails and telephone conversations may supplement and enhance the process.

Be considerate of your mentor’s time.
Return phone calls and emails promptly. Be sure to ask how much time your mentor has to spend with you. Let your mentor suggest taking extra time if needed. It might be helpful to discuss setting aside a particular time every few weeks to meet.

Ask for advice and welcome constructive criticism.
People are often hesitant to offer advice when they do not know you well. Be as specific as possible when asking for it. A good mentor will offer both constructive criticism and suggestions for your work, so be open to both.

Seriously consider the advice given to you by your mentor, even if your immediate reaction is not positive.
A mentor seldom offers advice or criticism lightly. She’s been in your shoes. It’s very reasonable to ask for time to consider your mentor’s advice and then get back to her with your response. While you certainly don’t have to follow all the advice, remember that she has the experience and skills that you may not have mastered yet.

Show appreciation for the time and assistance given to you by your mentor.
Mentors need encouragement too, and constructive feedback will help your mentor guide you in the most effective way. Let her know how the advice worked in your situation.

Reciprocate.
If you see a great article that you think your mentor would enjoy, send it to her with a quick note. If you have a business skill and can offer to help her in some way, offer it. You might say, “I’m really very good at _____. If you ever need _____, give me a call. I’ll be more than happy to help out.”

Be candid.
If, after a period of time, you don’t believe that either you or your mentor is able to participate in an effective mentoring relationship, then don’t be averse to discussing it with her. If the relationship ends, end it on professional terms. It is no reflection on either of you if a particular pair isn’t suitable.

Treat conversations with confidentiality.
Make only positive or neutral comments about your mentor to others. She must trust that anything said to you will be held in the strictest of confidence unless instructed otherwise.

Keep the door open with your mentor.
You never know when you may need her advice or assistance at some point in the future. And later, when the formal mentoring relationship is no longer needed, consider staying in touch to provide “progress” reports. You never know when a situation will come up that you can use some good advice.

Tips on Interaction
When setting a date for the first meeting or contact, both women should arrange to exchange copies of their curriculum vita (CV) beforehand. The mentee’s CV is helpful so the mentor can review the mentee’s career at that point and possibly suggest some goals for the immediate future. The mentor’s CV provides a base with which she can point out key steps that were particularly valuable along her career path. Second, the mentor should ask the mentee to share her main issues of career growth that may include both challenges and opportunities. Goals for the upcoming year, as well as more long-term goals should be included as another point for discussion. The exact nature of subsequent meetings, including their topic and duration, will vary from pair to pair. Discuss days and times that are most convenient. In addition to sharing a breakfast or lunch together; consider activities of common interest such as walking, meeting in a bookstore, or for a coffee over the weekend. Enjoy and please make the most out of this valuable, and possibly, life-changing, experience.